the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
