i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
