do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
