# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
