dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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