it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
