Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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