I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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