somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The adults are the big ones right?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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