Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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