ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
