Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
