I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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