I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
