I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
