I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
