She is in my trunk
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
