i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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