One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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