So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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