ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
