Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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