Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
