The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
