Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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