i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
