he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
