and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
