$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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