Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
