I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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