he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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