Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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