I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
