dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
