I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
