I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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