I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
