my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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