I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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