i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
