I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
