i may or may not be watching the land before time
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
