Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
