I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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