I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
