he looks like a really good dad on facebook
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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