i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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