I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
