Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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